never looking back.
I want to forget, so badly. My past is worst than most people, in the sense that I put myself through hell just because I had no respect for myself. Now, more than ever, I’m paying for what I’ve done, even though the worst was done three years ago. After going through everything today, I feel like a piece of trash. That’s all I was at one point, and reminiscing tonight has made me feel this way once again. At the same time, this feeling about myself ignited all my actions, therefore, I need to stop. Tonight. I deleted any phone numbers I don’t need, and I deactivated my facebook. Tomorrow I’m going to have my brother reactivate it to change the password to something I don’t know, and then it’s getting deactivated forever. There’s no more looking back. Tonight I’m going to write the longest entry in my journal, spelling out every single one of my sins. One day, when my parents are comfortable with it, I’m going to read it to them. One day, when my children are grown, I will read it to them as well. I want to forget so badly, but I can’t. I think that is God’s way of punishing me. You know what? I deserve every second of pain I feel for what I’ve done. Tonight, this feeling ends. Tonight, I will embrace my self worth completely and leave my past where it belongs: behind me.
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